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no room for hipsters

the occupation of Ashley and Levon

An hour or so ago I realized I was no longer dreaming about running details through my head and that I was awake.  Then I was wide awake.  Now its 3AM and I have the adrenaline it would take to walk out on stage.  Probably because I’ve been doing it in my head all night.  I have the stagefright dreams all the time which is torturous because usually stage fright goes away when you walk out there but if you’re asleep and there is no stage… its as pointless as the falling dream only longer. 

Not as bad as the server dreams where you stay slammed in a shift all night running around thinking table 45 needs water, I thought I asked him at 46 if he needed that?, are my drinks ready at the bar?, oh crap my food is coming out at 44….  Do that 8 hours after an 8 hour shift.

I must have been on stage at some point tonight because I seem to remember that.  Most pressing are all the questions of what can I do to get the house rented? what can I do to sell the Datsun? where are we going to live? will we find jobs? how long exactly can make it until we go broke? what if we don’t make it?  That’s what I’ve been diligently obsessing about in the dark for the last hour.  Ashley and I took a walk after dinner and I was telling her that I was starting to get worried.  We’re a month away today from loading the truck and so far none of the pieces have come together.  She said thats too bad because we’re going.  “We’ll have to get there how we get there.”  Now she is sleeping like a baby.  Amazing.

I was job hunting for awhile today and looked into the Writing section of the Brooklyn Craigslist.  I actually found what seemed to be a good job.  Professional blogging.  You just had to be funny, it said.  It also said to go to this certain blog and link an example of your work.  I went to check this out and couldn’t figure out how it was going to benefit anyone to blog at this site.  There was no advertising, it wasn’t that funny, and actually was another wordpress blog like this one so I know the drill.  Then it hit me.  How many people clicked his link today?  I’m sure it was thousands.  Wow.  Shameless.  Don’t go, that’s what he wants.  I bet you’ll go. 

I’m making fun of blog patheticness as I sit here and write at 3:19AM.  As if  “I know what will make me feel peaceful, getting a nice post up on the blog.”  I used to journal but now I do this instead.  Its amazing how much our hands have lost writing endurance since we were kids.  Blogging is much better.  I can also decide to change things if I feel I’ve said something too pathetic.  And since I’ve always considered an audience in my journals anyway out of realization that my grandchildren will have them to remember me by, I sit here and type.  Its not that I sensor my journals, I just try to never be pathetic and always include some anecdotal encouragement.  I don’t have any encouragement for you right now, I’m during this purely as a therapeutic means to get the demons out of my head so I can sleep.  Thats kind of pathetic so let me just google a nice quote for all of us.  Just a sec…

I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

J. R. R. Tolkien (1892 – 1973), The Fellowship of the Ring
Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.
Ernest Hemingway (1899 – 1961)
Lies are like children: they’re hard work, but it’s worth it because the future depends on them.
Pam Davis, House M.D., It’s A Wonderful Lie, 2008

This is what comes up when you google “quote of the day.”  I’m going to leave now.  I’m not tired and I realize that I am damaging my readership.  Come back for more adventure and less quotes-of-the-day some other time.  Good night.


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