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no room for hipsters

the occupation of Ashley and Levon

Tag Archives: culture

I’m about to go off script.

Up to this point, I’ve managed my seasons and hours by periodically getting quiet to evaluate my values and priorities.  I made outlines of how my days would look.  Early on, it was detailed to the point of half hour intervals; more recently it has evolved toward general designated time blocks.  Being a self-employed, new adult is a lot to manage and this systematic approach has helped me to learn dedication, responsibility, and focus.  I made schedules because I didn’t trust myself to daily align with my priorities.  For years this structure has worked for me.  But lately I’m feeling a creeping sense of dissatisfaction; it slips through the cracks of my schedule as fatigue and anxiety.

 

weary and anxious

 

 

And so, it is time to get quiet again and reevaluate.  But, this time has to be different.  My former methods of micro-scheduling and planning are no longer useful tools because I’ve given them too much power.  Like wayward robots in a sci-fi, they dominate rather than assist.

I am guilty of getting too far ahead, of taking on the burden of the unknown and attempting to carry it as if it can fit on my back.  And, not surprisingly, I feel weary.  I’ve got a rather petite, human-sized frame for trying to haul an almighty-sized mystery.

This vain approach to planning has produced habits of working long hours and soldiering through no matter how I’m feeling.  Admittedly, I admire this tenacity in myself and I’m proud to be a working artist.  I’m afraid of letting these things go, but I must.  This perspective and my habits are not sustainable.

 

tenacious face

 

 

I think a large part of my ambition to work as long and hard and structured as I do is about money.  I want to be certain that I can pay the bills and I assume a reasonable response to this desire is hard work capped with a helmet of anxiety.

I’m reminded of an Andrew Bird song about the way we educate our children: “put your backpack on your shoulder, be the good little soldier it’s no different when you’re older”

I think much of my angst stems from an expectation that our culture lashes  to us: boot straps and hard work and so on.  I didn’t mean to accept this ideology and subsequent identity, but I have.  And it isn’t a good fit. I’m waking up this morning and surrendering.  I don’t want to soldier up and trudge through.

{ this is a tangent:  War imagery sucks anyway.  I’ve been noticing lately that much of our language about lifestyle and religion is combative.  I think that’s unfortunately suitable for our society but inappropriate to the existence I hope to live.}

I’m beginning to understand that provision does not equal business skills and long hours do not equal goodness or value.  I’m realizing that, unless I change my approach, I will never feel like I accomplished all that I need to in a day.  I will always pack fear about financial needs, no matter how much money flows; I will be forever tired.

I am thirsty for liberation; I want to be receptive and giving and greet each day with open arms, but I’m afraid.

I’m fearful of wasting, grumbling , and grinding my time into an apathetic powder that will float away into meaninglessness.  But even as I type this, I am pricked by the irony.  As if I can avoid any of it by using the powers of my finite reasoning and banal scheduling skills.

 

peace be with you (and me)

 

 

I know something needs to change but I don’t know what.  I am painfully aware that I do not know what is best for me.  That I don’t know how to effectively manage this gift of life.  This place that I’m in is scary because I’m being asked to swim in a jumbo ocean of uncertainty.

I’m asking for something bigger and so I have to rely on something big.  I yearn to rely on and get in alignment with the mystery that operates outside of time.  I am unclenching my fists and recognizing that I do not control the universe.

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[ from a. addair who is listening to Flight of the Conchords (Flight of the Conchords) ]

“To a large extent , culture is a set of expectations.  How will we behave toward one another?  What can we expect from our fellow citizens?  What does the community expect of us?  What are the unspoken rules that we just assume will be followed in our daily interactions?  In one sense, a culture of democracy can be defined as one that builds trust.”    -Frances Moore Lappe

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[ from a. addair who is listening to Zee Avi (Zee Avi) ]

“The passage into mystery always refreshes.  If, when we work, we can look once a day upon the face of mystery, then our labor satisfies.  We are lightened when our gifts rise from pools we cannot fathom. Then we know they are not solitary egotism and they are inexhaustible.  Anything contained within a boundary must contain as well its own exhaustion.”

–Lewis Hyde

 

 

The piece is much less about declaring a vision for the chapel and much more a simple marking of breath.

The aim then is not for anyone to align with or even share my conception of the human experience, rather, it is an invitation to delight in the mystery of God and the loving openness our little family pours out to its members and the city.

 

It is an exhalation that hopes to give space.  It is a record of a labor for authenticity, permeability, vulnerability, and an acknowledgement of interdependence.  My hope is that it gives permission for others to struggle and delight in labors of their own.

 

In this way, these paintings are images from personal experience (I don’t feel qualified to offer more than this) that are for and about the collective.

“I effuse my flesh in eddies, and drift it in lacy jags.

 

I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love”

 

–Walt Whitman

 

I am learning that the spirit swells even though, or maybe because, the body dissolves.  I am learning to acknowledge my participation and live in harmony with the cycles of nature.  I am learning that the boundaries dividing the biological, social, and spiritual are fluid.  I am learning to give and to love freely because the giving of these things assures their plenty.  I am learning to let go of ambition and the desire to control.  I am learning to participate in momentum.  I am learning to be a part of a community whose paradigm is one of gift exchange.  I am learning to acknowledge a flow that is out of my hands and cannot be managed in the scheduled, quantitative system of our culture.

 

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[ from a. addair who is listening to Arcade Fire (Funeral) ]

on living as a working artist…

and though i don’t want to make it seem too simplistic or easy, it has been one of the best decisions of my entire life. i love it, it’s a challenge, but i love it and wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

it takes a bit of a paradigm shift from what our culture tells us about work, success, and provision. i think there are several types of creative business models, but i’ll tell you about the one that i’m going by. (which is much less business minded than most…my way is not the way to make lots of money, but in my opinion its the way to make good art and a good life).

advise: whew. ummmmmmm,
well, be courageous. we only have a limited amount of lifeblood so be sure that you’re spending it in a way that aligns with your values. working for yourself, you have freedom to do some really exciting things, but also room for big waste. so think through what you believe to be important and then make up a specific plan/schedule to get you there. this includes how to make money, why you want to practice photography, how you want to spend your time, what feeds you life, what drains you of life, marketing, goals, why those goals are important…etc. (set up times to adjust and re-evaluate this plan because you’ll be learning lots and it will change, but even as things continually shift you must maintain intentionality… i re-evaluate once a month and do a big check-up yearly).

people who buy art are helpful too. recently sold.

i don’t know your relationship to your art, but for me it is sometimes difficult to manage the business side of painting, because i don’t believe it to be primarily a commodity. think through this and make sure your art won’t be compromised by relying on it for income.

lower your cost of living. this gives you freedom to take risks and lowers the stressfulness of slow months.

okay, so that is pretty general and abstract but foundational. so do a lot of thinking before you make the jump.

as you start making really practical decisions i can share my experiences of those too. its just a lot and i dont want to over supply a response, but i’m happy to answer questions as they come.

lastly, i think its exciting. and though i don’t know the details of your life and work, i’m happy to hear that your thinking of doing this. it can be such a step toward freedom and fulfillment.

be brave and wise,

a. addair

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[ from a. addair who is listening to The Flaming Lips (At War With The Mystics) ]

Wondering how I would spend my time differently if I didn’t need to get paid for the things that I do.  It is pretty likely that I’ll never actually need to/get to answer this question.  But still, it gets to the heart of some real confusion for me.

I keep thinking of Thoreau when he wrote, “A man had better starve at once than lose his innocence in the process of getting bread.”

I’m struggling with the way art (and the artist who lives from his art) functions justly in our culture and economic system.

why am i showing you this painting? because i want to share it? because i hope you'll like it and maybe buy art from me? slimy.

I don’t want to be a part of the hype.  I don’t want it to be all about me.  I don’t want to be a propagate consumerism.

I’m not certain that how I’m currently operating (even keeping this blog) is good and pure, but I feel stuck.

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[ from addair who is listening to Antony and the Johnsons (I am a bird now) ]

Being the foreigner, I’ve been withholding my opinions.  My particular set of American sensibilities inevitably colors my view but, as much as I can,  I’m trying to keep my lenses clear.  Or at least on the rosier side of clear, I can’t find any harm in reveling in beauty, even when it is out of my zone of familiarity and culture.

The task is difficult, not because I find it hard to abstain from judgement but because it is hard to separate my identity from my platforms.  It’s a good lesson for me.  I know it must have something to do with values and humanity, self-worth and priorities, but I’m still in the lesson so I can’t comment with much accuracy.

This lesson has me asking questions like:  Are we still good humans if we have no platforms?  Or choose to mostly observe?  Without opinions, which part of me is left?  Being clearly out of my element has me wondering if I actually  own any element.  It is bringing me closer to the understanding that I am, and always will be, limited to my very personal and specific perspective.  If this is the case, when do I have the right to assert my opinion?  My sense of justice?

I don’t pretend to understand very much about life here in Mexico and I wonder if I’m closer to understanding the reality I face in the United States.

I don’t understand most things.  And a complete understanding of any thing is, I think, impossible.

It seems that I spent the first part of my life acquiring ideas and beliefs.  With each new experience embellishing my densely adorned sense of self and the world in which I lived.  And somewhere along the way it has shifted.  Now, every new experience requires me to take a layer off, to simplify and make room.  Its beginning to seem that the most stripped down interpretation of justice, of love, of happiness, of ethics is the truest; the one that leads to the greatest satisfaction, liberty, and peace.

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(from addair)

I’m in the early stages of working on an art show/happening and am interested in getting your feedback.  The following is a rough draft of the event’s manifesto (entitled “starter kit to actual rebellion” – I’ve posted a portion of it before).  The show’s intent will be to gather and empower people toward education and action.  The “starter kit” will be printed on a single sheet of paper in a text-as-art format and distributed through an interactive art installment.

Send me your thoughts so I can make it better (it’s a long way from finished) via the comment feature or you can email me (see “about addair”).

beauty keeps me grounded in the important (photographs from our visit in bristol, tennessee)

Starter Kit to Actual Rebellion

We are living in an illusion of wealth, progress, and democracy as we drown in loneliness, apathy, and toxic waste. The powerful pretend to administer resolution while exploiting our lifeblood. It is time to rebel because the injustice has pervaded nearly every inch of everything. We are poisoning our bodies. We are poisoning our air, water, and soil. Too many of us have lost a sense of community and our connection to place. Too many of us wake up only to move through the motions of a vague purpose, to earn the right to survive in a system that sours the condition of life. Our vitality is reduced to the breadth of endurance while material goods and fleeting facades serve as a poor substitute for the richness of the human experience. We are forced to run in a race that we cannot win. We are sick. We are guilty.

Humankind has adamantly placed itself as exploiter of nature, rather than recognizing its place as member of a living community and so we are detached from our environment. We are made helpless and foolish by our disconnect and ignorance of how we get our food and other basic needs. We are so sheltered from the natural rhythms of our earth and our sustenance that we forget our basic dependence on it.

gives me hope

 We take but we do not give. Careless urbanism has stolen many opportunities for simplicity and leaves us with compromised and limited choices. We are enclosing ourselves in stores of sewage and waste; we are relentlessly administering wreckage to ourselves and future generations.

The economy’s primary objective is to create more consumer goods: not wellness, education, or less poverty and hunger, but to produce more stuff. This stuff costs more than the dollars it takes to purchase it; consumer goods are drawn from the Earth and eventually they are returned to the Earth as harmful waste. Other costs include the energy it takes to construct and deliver the products, leaving the water, air, and soil defiled and depleted.

in redemption

What we consume affects nature as well as our daily experience of being. We consume and we let ourselves be fed with readymade answers and identities. We’ve become pawns, distracted from the real venture of living. We don’t make meaning, we buy a packaged version and it has drained us of our own humanity. We are trapped in an arbitrary and flawed system that insists we consume more to secure prosperity but in the same motion dooms us to hollowness and collapse. Purchasing might provide a rush of temporary amusement but the void is insistent, creating an empty cycle. A system that centers on self indulgence and competition has left us isolated and cold. The present economic system is not a natural one, it is not sustainable and it is crumbling. If the economy doesn’t work for us, then we have the right and the duty to overthrow it.

To keep the monster functioning we must feed it, without the fuel of our participation it must die. We can rebel and take our culture and lives on our own terms. Science, technology, or politics won’t assuage our crisis. We will continue to make a forever updated mess until we reevaluate our standards, thinking and ways of relating. The solution will take time, energy, creativity, and courage. The necessary rebellion is dangerous and authentic because it requires a shedding of apathy.

and love too

We must become fully connected and present to bloom in the responsibility of being a human. We need to fuse our individual actions to the fact that they have real, lasting, and communal consequences. It is time for a rebellion because it’s necessary, but know that it comes with responsibility. To maintain liberty, we must learn to sustain our significance. We do not have to participate in perceived power structures. We have the power. Ban together. Forget about party affiliation. Refuse to be divided. Act for yourself and for others. Vote with your dollar. Give your money to real people that make real meaning. Don’t feed the monster. Eat real food. Support your local economy.

for all the corrupt, we cannot ignore this

Take the little steps and make the stout ones in chorus. Don’t wait for government action. Speak up. Urge elected officials. We can stop fighting the source of our sustenance and start living in a symbiotic relationship with it. We can reclaim our right to enjoy the authentic pleasures of living and loving and working. Wake up and do the things that are important and that you care about. Everyday.

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(from ashley)

I’ve been thinking about the world behind the visible world and how those intangible things interact with the more concrete material of life.  Whenever I study historic events, I’m always amazed by the collective ideas that drive movements and write laws.  I am continually astounded that slavery existed in the not so distant past, or that women couldn’t vote.  These things just don’t make sense to me and I can’t see how they could make sense to anyone else.  And then I am reminded that it’s largely cultural ideas and attitudes that tell me what “makes sense” just as it told generations before me, and often to very different ends.

the intangible made material.  the material made intangible

the intangible made material. the material made intangible

The spirits and attitudes of place and time make the intangible material; they construct cities and churn out fashions. Simultaneously, the material world impacts the spiritual; the design of a city is charged with emotion and clothing sends messages about our identities.  Nothing is too small or insignificant to be affected by this exchange.  Not even chickens.

detail

detail

Including an animal, whose function within our culture is one of humor and banality, within art focused on social and environmental justice emphasizes the interconnectedness between all things and diminishes the distinctions between sacred and secular, high and low, fact and emotion.

This painting ponders the way that cultural attitudes inform the way we interact with the world.  Specifically, how ideas on the separation between civilization and wilderness affect zoning policies, what we eat, how we spend our time, and how we treat the natural environment.

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