Tag Archives: culture
April 7, 2011 schedules and to do lists
I’m about to go off script.
Up to this point, I’ve managed my seasons and hours by periodically getting quiet to evaluate my values and priorities. I made outlines of how my days would look. Early on, it was detailed to the point of half hour intervals; more recently it has evolved toward general designated time blocks. Being a self-employed, new adult is a lot to manage and this systematic approach has helped me to learn dedication, responsibility, and focus. I made schedules because I didn’t trust myself to daily align with my priorities. For years this structure has worked for me. But lately I’m feeling a creeping sense of dissatisfaction; it slips through the cracks of my schedule as fatigue and anxiety.

weary and anxious
And so, it is time to get quiet again and reevaluate. But, this time has to be different. My former methods of micro-scheduling and planning are no longer useful tools because I’ve given them too much power. Like wayward robots in a sci-fi, they dominate rather than assist.
I am guilty of getting too far ahead, of taking on the burden of the unknown and attempting to carry it as if it can fit on my back. And, not surprisingly, I feel weary. I’ve got a rather petite, human-sized frame for trying to haul an almighty-sized mystery.
This vain approach to planning has produced habits of working long hours and soldiering through no matter how I’m feeling. Admittedly, I admire this tenacity in myself and I’m proud to be a working artist. I’m afraid of letting these things go, but I must. This perspective and my habits are not sustainable.

tenacious face
I think a large part of my ambition to work as long and hard and structured as I do is about money. I want to be certain that I can pay the bills and I assume a reasonable response to this desire is hard work capped with a helmet of anxiety.
I’m reminded of an Andrew Bird song about the way we educate our children: “put your backpack on your shoulder, be the good little soldier it’s no different when you’re older”
I think much of my angst stems from an expectation that our culture lashes to us: boot straps and hard work and so on. I didn’t mean to accept this ideology and subsequent identity, but I have. And it isn’t a good fit. I’m waking up this morning and surrendering. I don’t want to soldier up and trudge through.
{ this is a tangent: War imagery sucks anyway. I’ve been noticing lately that much of our language about lifestyle and religion is combative. I think that’s unfortunately suitable for our society but inappropriate to the existence I hope to live.}
I’m beginning to understand that provision does not equal business skills and long hours do not equal goodness or value. I’m realizing that, unless I change my approach, I will never feel like I accomplished all that I need to in a day. I will always pack fear about financial needs, no matter how much money flows; I will be forever tired.
I am thirsty for liberation; I want to be receptive and giving and greet each day with open arms, but I’m afraid.
I’m fearful of wasting, grumbling , and grinding my time into an apathetic powder that will float away into meaninglessness. But even as I type this, I am pricked by the irony. As if I can avoid any of it by using the powers of my finite reasoning and banal scheduling skills.

peace be with you (and me)
I know something needs to change but I don’t know what. I am painfully aware that I do not know what is best for me. That I don’t know how to effectively manage this gift of life. This place that I’m in is scary because I’m being asked to swim in a jumbo ocean of uncertainty.
I’m asking for something bigger and so I have to rely on something big. I yearn to rely on and get in alignment with the mystery that operates outside of time. I am unclenching my fists and recognizing that I do not control the universe.
Tags: culture, focus, peace, provision, schedules, self-employment, sepia toned, to do lists, toxic, trust, war imagery, Work
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- Posted under Ashley, Economy, education, interconnectedness, simple living, sustainability, things i'm reading/learning, Uncertainty, Work
November 24, 2010 letter to a friend: a response to a question about relying on your art for income
[ from a. addair who is listening to Arcade Fire (Funeral) ]
on living as a working artist…
and though i don’t want to make it seem too simplistic or easy, it has been one of the best decisions of my entire life. i love it, it’s a challenge, but i love it and wouldn’t trade it for anything else.
it takes a bit of a paradigm shift from what our culture tells us about work, success, and provision. i think there are several types of creative business models, but i’ll tell you about the one that i’m going by. (which is much less business minded than most…my way is not the way to make lots of money, but in my opinion its the way to make good art and a good life).
advise: whew. ummmmmmm,
well, be courageous. we only have a limited amount of lifeblood so be sure that you’re spending it in a way that aligns with your values. working for yourself, you have freedom to do some really exciting things, but also room for big waste. so think through what you believe to be important and then make up a specific plan/schedule to get you there. this includes how to make money, why you want to practice photography, how you want to spend your time, what feeds you life, what drains you of life, marketing, goals, why those goals are important…etc. (set up times to adjust and re-evaluate this plan because you’ll be learning lots and it will change, but even as things continually shift you must maintain intentionality… i re-evaluate once a month and do a big check-up yearly).

people who buy art are helpful too. recently sold.
i don’t know your relationship to your art, but for me it is sometimes difficult to manage the business side of painting, because i don’t believe it to be primarily a commodity. think through this and make sure your art won’t be compromised by relying on it for income.
lower your cost of living. this gives you freedom to take risks and lowers the stressfulness of slow months.
okay, so that is pretty general and abstract but foundational. so do a lot of thinking before you make the jump.
as you start making really practical decisions i can share my experiences of those too. its just a lot and i dont want to over supply a response, but i’m happy to answer questions as they come.
lastly, i think its exciting. and though i don’t know the details of your life and work, i’m happy to hear that your thinking of doing this. it can be such a step toward freedom and fulfillment.
be brave and wise,
a. addair
Tags: advice, arcade fire, brave, counter, creativity, culture, funeral, income, letter to friend, living as an artist, managing the gift, paradigm shift, risk
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- Posted under Ashley, audacity, Economy, how to, letter to a friend, painting, simple living, sustainability, things i'm reading/learning, Uncertainty, Work
















