Tag Archives: 37
[ from a. addair who is listening to The Walkmen (You and Me) ]
I’ve always been on the quiet side of the social butterfly spectrum, but 2011 has been firmly hermit-esque.
That I even want to follow this statement with reassurance that I’m not depressed says a bit about my unease in naming this solitary spell; there’s a real stigma attached to being alone. I know there is some validity to this and of course, there must be balance, but the sort of season I am in is not of the dangerous sort.
I’m not gloomy, I just feel a peace in and yearning for long solo intermissions. I’ve been following this need and its been good. But every so often I get anxious about the consequences of being alone. I think it’s because I let cheap advertising get in to my brain mix and I start to wonder if I’m missing out, if I’ll eventually deteriorate into a lonely old woman, or if I’m a social mutant.
I have this tendency to view events and prescribe their aftermath in extreme terms. But it’s probably more appropriate to understand that life cycles in seasons.
I guess what I’m trying to do is make myself understand that its okay to trust the seasons. To live where you are in stillness and joy. To understand that the nature of the universe works in terms of balance but not stability. Just because I feel like spending a lot of time alone now doesn’t mean that I will feel like this forever.
If this all sounds familiar, it’s because I’m finding that I have to keep writing/painting/thinking through the same concepts in order to absorb them. To borrow from my last blog, I’m simply hanging a color on this little space of time-love. And I guess my flags of late are all shades of neon mustard yellow.